Nick Confalone is a cartoonist -- a creative and seemingly kid-loving soul, who has to abide by the regulations sent to him by the folks in "Standards and Practices." (Which seems to translate as "Killjoys in charge of making sure the network never gets sued.")
Imagine if Chuck Jones got emails like these when directing Bugs Bunny. And yet: How many kids actually went on to drop anvils on their friends?
Here are some actual emails Nick got from the suits, culled from his very fun screed over at Slate:
- Please substitute for “dork” as it is slang for penis.
- When we first see the aliens waking up on the beach, we should see that they are clearly wearing life jackets. (My favorite tweak.)
- Please ensure all daredevil tight-ropers are only a few feet off the ground and wearing appropriate safety gear. (Okay, also my favorite.)
- Caution that the chimpanzee is not driving dangerously erratically. Please also revise his partner’s line to read something like “What are you doing? Slow down!” Additionally we should hear an apology for his unsafe driving when they’re reunited in Monkeymax Prison.
- Caution that oven mittens are worn when taking the soufflé out of the oven. Also, please substitute for the word “die” in “Don’t you die on me,” when the chef attempts CPR on the soufflé. CPR should be performed in accordance with AHA guidelines. (Those popular AHA guidelines regarding life-saving procedures on desserts.)
- In the car race scene, please revise “Then let’s put the pedal to the metal, ‘cause I feel the need for speed.” We don’t want to give the impression that we are encouraging driving at excessive speeds. (Certainly not in a race!) As long as they never start the car, this segment should be fine.
- A caution that Neil Apestrong’s violent puking occurs off-screen and stays within reasonable bounds of good taste.
- Please lose all instances of “hubba hubba.”
- A caution on the intensity of the bus crashing into the volcano. It should be clear that the students are unharmed. At no point can we see “Lava raining down on their heads.” (So we're talking about a low impact crash into a non-hot active volcano? Got it.)
- A reminder that both characters should be wearing helmets while riding the T-Rex. (Just in case the kids at home might be inspired to ride their T-Rexes without the appropriate safety gear.)
For fun: Draw safety gear on Bugs!