Resist the Pressure to Micromanage Halloween
What a phenomenal piece in today’s New York Times by Jessica Grose, the former parenting editor there. She is begging parents to “Stop Micromanaging Halloween,” a trend we’ve seen ever since parents started checking their kids’ candy for tampering back when *I* was a kid. (The number of kids poisoned by a stranger’s candy in all that time? Zero.)
Over the decades, the meddling has only gotten much more intense. There’s the new phenom of the “Switch Witch” — guess who gets to play that role? She lets the kids choose a few precious pieces of their loot then swaps out rest for copies of “Pilgrim’s Progress.” (Almost — “she” swaps them out for a toy so the kids feel loved, and so do their teeth and endocrine levels.)
But there’s also so much more:
It seems like every holiday — even the ones that are supposed to have a heavy component of unsupervised mischief — is dominated by increasingly baroque and expensive parent-led rituals. Because it’s not just the Switch Witch, it’s “Boo”-ing your friends and neighbors — creating gift bags that you leave on their doorsteps with instructions that they must “Boo” other people. I’m sure there are other trends that I don’t even know about yet because I aggressively curate my Instagram feed to be ignorant of them.
Grose quotes a Washington Post columnist who wondered: “When did Halloween turn into a week long extravaganza with elaborate homemade costumes, multiple parties and parades, all chaperoned by parents?”
When did most of childhood become adult-chaperoned?
Then Grose takes us exactly where this excess of assistance, intervention, and supervision lands us: At the feet of Let Grow’s Dr. Peter Gray and the recent Journal of Pediatrics article he lead-authored, outlining how a lack of independence is making kids anxious and depressed! Been happening for decades! Writes Grose:
Sixty years ago, children were allowed to do much more on their own from a young age. They walked or biked to school in elementary school; they were allowed to babysit or have paper routes by 11 or 12. There was less homework and youth sports hadn’t quite morphed into today’s youth sports industrial complex, so kids had more unstructured time to be outside and make their own fun, away from adults.
[The Pediatrics’ authors] theorize that a lack of independent activities negatively affects a child’s internal locus of control. “Internal LOC refers to a person’s tendency to believe they have control over their life and can solve problems as they arise, in contrast to external LOC, which is a tendency to believe their experiences are ruled by circumstances beyond their control,” they explain. When children aren’t allowed to do things on their own, they may have a weaker internal LOC, and that is “highly predictive” of certain levels of anxiety and depression.
“There’s a logic here that I think makes perfect sense and I want people to understand it,” said Peter Gray, a research professor at Boston College and the study’s lead author… Which is that you’re taking away the opportunity for kids to have control over what they’re doing, “Because you are always controlling them. They’re always in school or they’re in school-like activities or they’re at home and not allowed to go out and do things on their own.”
Solution, at least at Halloween? Be intentional in teaching your kids to look both ways before crossing the street. Cars are the biggest threat on Halloween, not strangers or razor blades.
Then, once they’re 7, 8 or 9, they can do that activity that is the most thrilling thing in their young lives: Be adults for one exciting night! They dress up and go to “work,” cold-calling on neighbors for candy. It’s the ONE NIGHT we let kids have a taste of independence and if we keep taking it away, the Switch Witch will swap out happiness for anxiety.