What do you do when you hear your kid is being bullied on the bus?

Read on!

Annie Mohr is one of the three parents in our “Give the Gift of Independence” webinar. She’s also Assistant Principal at the Helen Keller Middle School in Easton, CT, which just started doing The Let Grow Experience. (Kids get the monthly assignment: Go home and do something new, on your own.) But Annie’s son started The Experience last spring. It changed both their lives.

This story originally appeared in the middle school’s newsletter.

Dear All,

I had an “ah ha” moment as a parent recently.  I received a call from a mom friend whose son is in the same grade and on the same bus as my son. She shared that her son told her that another boy is consistently making fun of my son and was hitting him on the bus that day.

I was shocked, nauseous, and launching into full Mama Bear mode! The reason I was so shocked is because my son talks incessantly about everything yet never mentioned this.

As a school leader, I already knew what I would say when I called the principal the next day and the follow-up email I would be sending. I ran straight to my son’s room to figure out how I was going to save my baby.

HERE IS WHERE I NEED TO PAUSE THE STORY….  I should mention that my 5th grader is in a biker gang. They don’t quite have matching leather jackets or revving engines, but they are a neighborhood staple. About a year and a half ago, my son was begging to ride his bike around the neighborhood out of sight from me.

Of course, images of white vans, speeding teenage drivers, and wild bear attacks flooded my mom brain. After lots of begging (and me distracting him with other activities), we gradually worked at having him earn the ability to ride farther from home.

This gradual model was more for me than for him.  I needed to manage my own anxiety and fears to give him the independence that would bolster his self-esteem and confidence.

I thought those would be the benefits of this freedom, but it turned out that the biker gang was life-changing, for both of us. The group has blossomed into almost 15 kids of differing ages. They stop at each other’s houses for snacks and activities.

Side Note: They are like locusts and I can’t keep up with the food shopping, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Now back to the original story…. My son began to cry when I asked him about what was happening on the bus. Mama Bear Mohr strengthened! They were making fun of his height, that he has a big forehead, that he is weird…. the list goes on.

I let him know that I would be contacting the school in the morning and handling it. Here’s the part that surprised me, he asked me not to get involved.

At first, I figured this was because he didn’t want it to get worse if “he snitched” or that he was embarrassed. This was not the case.  He shared that he and a few members of the biker gang, who are on the same bus, had talked about it that afternoon while riding around. They had made a plan to handle it.

The next day on the bus the kids made sure that my son was sitting with one of them on the inside of the seat. They each told the child who was being unkind that they were not cool with it and that he couldn’t hang with them if he was going to be mean.

Guess what happened!?!?  It stopped!  That child came to our house on his own (by bike) to apologize and ask if my son would be ok with him riding his bike with them. My mom brain was BLOWN and my son, whose confidence had taken a hit, was now feeling as if he could handle situations on his own and that he had the support of others (beyond just his parents) ….

I learned a life-changing lesson from this experience.  If I want my 5th grader to handle conflict, navigate social settings and understand that meanness is more about that person’s struggles than about the target, Mama Bear cannot fix it for him (no matter how much she wants to!).

As I said in last week’s newsletter, let’s keep gifting our kids with neuroscience facts and understandings about the human condition so they can lead a life of fulfillment, understanding and peace.  – A.M.

As if that wasn’t great enough, Annie sent another email shortly after emailing us the newsletter:

As if that wasn’t great enough, Annie sent another email shortly after emailing us the newsletter:

I just got home from work, and my son told me a great story. He and four buddies get off at the same bus stop. I hear them making plans to meet up at a new spot on their bikes. I asked him to tell me the plan.

He says there is a new student. She is a fourth-grade girl. She is on their bus. They started talking to her. She told them that she was made fun of a lot in her old school for being tall. The biker crew huddled up and invited her to join them riding around this weekend. As Reid explained, “She is going to wait in front of her house, and we are going to pick her up on our bikes at 11am. We’ll show her the neighborhood!”

I love the contagious nature of your movement!!!! It makes my heart happy.  – Annie