How I Learned to Stop Worrying About Future Regrets: Winter Edition

Readers: At Let Grow, we are human. Sometimes, we look at the forces arrayed against kids being kids and have to sigh.

And then we get a letter like this!

You may recall Abigail Weidmer. She wrote this post about giving her kids – and her neighbors’ kids – unsupervised playtime. She admits it can be hard not to imagine worst-case scenarios. Now, here’s her hopeful New Year’s message.

Take heart! She did! We did!

Dear Let Grow: I wanted to send you another update because Let Grow has had a profound impact on my life these last few months (and I know how much you like updates!). Here are three:

LET IT SNOW AND LET THEM GO!

Today, we got our first real snow in Billings, and our first since my kids got sleds. I sent them out in the backyard to play this morning, and they asked if friends could come over.

One of their friends from Play Club was available, so he came, and they played together. Later, I gave them permission to go sledding in the big field near our house.

This probably doesn’t sound like a big deal to you, but it felt like a big deal to me! For some reason, it felt like another big step to let them play outside on their own in the snow. In fact, I was nervous thinking about what could go wrong, so I bundled up and walked over there to give them a walkie-talkie for any “emergencies” that came up.

They were having a grand old time! If they had asked a few months ago, I probably would have said no, or I would have felt like I needed to go with them. 

LET THEM QUIT AND THAT IS IT!

My 7-year-old has taken a jazz/tap dance class since September, and I could tell she was indifferent about it. So, after she tried a virtual Girl Scouts class and got really excited about it, I gave her the option to quit dance and sign up for Girl Scouts instead. She said yes and is very excited about starting Scouts next month.

I have second-guessed this a lot. What if she was going to be a professional dancer? Now, she’ll never be able to say, “I’ve been dancing since I was 6.” What if she misses out on some great opportunity because she doesn’t finish this class? How dare I let her quit? What kind of parent am I? I should teach her to stick with things. etc. etc.

But, learning from Let Grow (and Peter Gray’s Free to Learn, which I recently finished) has helped me notice these thoughts without letting them control my parenting decisions. They seem pretty silly when I look at them objectively. Childhood does not need to be so serious.

LET THEM FAIL, AND YOU CAN SAIL!

The things I’m learning from Let Grow and Free to Learn have helped me in my career transition. Observing how my kids learn and find joy has helped me in my own learning and pursuit of joy. I learn better when I’m not afraid to try. It’s ok to try, learn, and try again. That IS the learning process! I don’t have to have everything figured out to start.

As I practice trusting my kids more, I learn to trust myself more, too. They can handle challenges, and so can I. It has taken me my whole life to start developing this kind of growth mindset!   

Thanks for letting me share these updates with you. I hope you have a Happy New Year!

Abigail 

Let Grow here: Want to feel good about letting go? Take our free Pledge of Independence, and we will email you one fun, easy independence-building idea a week for 10 weeks!