That’s what I called my TED Talk in my head. It came out on Aug. 26th and the official title is Why you should spend less time with your kids. That works!

No matter what it’s called, my big point is the terrible lie that has been driving kids and parents crazy for at least a generation: The idea that kids can’t handle almost ANYTHING on their own. That any time they are unsupervised they are in DANGER of being hurt or falling behind.

That’s why, gradually, helicopter parenting became the new norm – even for parents who HATE helicoptering. It’s also why kids started missing out on all the confidence that comes from exploring, playing, and crowing: “I did it MYSELF!”

Happily, as you’ll see in the talk, I have some solutions up my (sequinned) sleeve. Several are here at Let Grow – free, independence-building programs for schools, counselors, and parents. So let me take the rest of this blog to tell you what it’s like to GIVE a TED talk.

It. Is. Overwhelming.

About four months before the talk – mine was recorded at the big TED conference in Vancouver in April – you write your first draft. You read it out loud to the TED team by Zoom. They listen, make suggestions, meet up again and again and…long story short: by Draft 14, we were getting somewhere.

Then they tell you to practice it as much as you can, because you have to memorize it. You also have to be loose enough when you actually GIVE the talk to not use the exact words (that you just spent four months memorizing). But you also have to be precise enough not to go over your allotted time by more than, oh, 15 seconds.

There will be no teleprompter. No podium with your notes.

So I practiced my talk in front of friends, friends of friends, people on the subway, and basically everyone except my husband, who wasn’t allowed to see it till I was back home from the trip. (He is also not allowed to read any of my blog posts or columns without exclaiming, “This is the best thing you’ve ever done!”)

Finally, you get to TED – the coolest conference in the world, filled with free food, fancy swag, and audience members who have all started their own companies, saved a species, or cured their own incurable disease (for real).

And then it’s the day of your talk and you are slurping “Throat Coat” tea, so you won’t squeak, and cough drops, so you won’t cough, and pretending that it feels very natural to talk to author/genius Stephen Pinker about your earrings as you wait to go on.

My stomach is clenching just remembering this.

Then, 10 minutes before showtime, backstage, the tech team puts TED’s patented microphone on your head and has you sit in a quiet little area to “relax” (ha ha). And pretty soon author/genius John McWhorter introduces you, and then…you’re on that big red dot in front of 1500 people.

And it is exhilarating! You’re in the flow! The audience is smiling, nodding, laughing – it’s just GREAT! And then…and then…you KNOW you have more to say. You KNOW it’s something about kids, or Let Grow or…. WHAT COMES NEXT??? 

You pause.

You have a cheat sheet in your pocket. You take it out as the audience – those entrepreneurs and PhDs and even the lady who played the American spa owner on White Lotus – they all clap as hard as they can to show you THEY ARE ON YOUR SIDE. That you’re gonna be OKAY! They’re clapping like crazy while you try to figure out where you were in your talk and it’s like being in a 1500-person rave (even though I’ve never been to a rave). They are ALL HOLDING YOU UP. It feels AMAZING.

And then – you go on! You finish, you are on a total high and the audience, bless them, leaps to their feet for a standing O. And because you’re done and SO HAPPY — and because the speaker before you gave a talk about using A.I. to decode wolf language (ho hum) — you let out a giant howl of joy: AWOOOOOOO!

And then you ask the stage manager, “Um…when do I leave?”

Now, apparently. So you scramble down and someone new strides onto the red dot. Off you go to not worry about giving your speech anymore.

AWOOOOOOOOO!

P.S. If you want to fight the culture driving kids and parents nuts by never giving them a break from each other, here is our “Four Weeks to a Let Grow Kid.” It’s FREE and fun!