Columbia B-School Professor and Wife Learn a Powerful Lesson in Adventure—from Their Kids

Jenn Olayon and Adam Galinsky are leaning into our motto, “When adults step back, kids step up.”

Adam is a social psychologist and a professor of leadership and ethics at Columbia Business School. The piece reflects ideas in his latest book, INSPIRE: The Universal Path for Leading Yourself and Others (HarperCollins).

Climbing to New Heights: How Kids Can Inspire Adventure in Adults

By Jenn Olayon and Adam Galinsky

Our most recent holiday was momentous in many ways. We were in Nevada to honor Tita Norma, Jenn’s aunt, on the one-year anniversary of her passing. More significantly, Norma’s sister Vicki was moving from New York City to Vegas. Vicki had lived with us since Asher, our eight-year-old, was born, and now he and our other son Aden, seven, were losing the constant companionship of their Lola (grandmother in Tagalog).

We ventured out to Red Rock Canyon, a majestic landscape filled with Aztec sandstone cliffs, and had barely begun our hike when the boys leaped off the trail and onto the base of a cliff-like wall. They began to scramble over rock after rock, going higher and higher. We called for them, but our echoes floated away. A tornado of emotions overcame us. We were worried, fearful — and annoyed. A gentleman descending let us know that he had seen them but also scolded us to “Keep ‘em close.” Panic set in.

A maiden voyage…for who?

A group of hikers above us heard our plaintive cries. They reassured us that Asher and Aden were in their sight and “on their maiden voyage.” These hikers generously served as our navigators as our less flexible bodies labored over the rocks.

When we finally had Asher and Aden in view, we could see their joy. We felt a sense of awe, too: The boys were experiencing untethered autonomy. They were chatting animatedly with a new set of hikers. When we finally reached them, perched on a rock near the top, Asher said, “What took you so long?”

Our first instinct was to scold them. But their pride helped turn our “Keep ‘em close” instincts into “Give them space to explore.”

Delivering food and autonomy.

Throughout Asher and Aden’s lives, we have striven to offer autonomy support. For example, we like sharing home-cooked meals with our building’s door attendants. At first, our boys would accompany us down the six floors to deliver everything from Filipino food to Sunday roast chicken. But when they were three and four-years old, they wanted to do this themselves.

At first, we were reluctant. But then we decided this was an ideal (and safe) step towards increased independence. One night they were gone for more than 15 minutes, and we started to worry, but our trust in our community allowed us to remain calm. It turns out they were chatting about Pokémon and sports.

Another big theme of our family is multicultural exploration. As frequent travelers, we always seek to learn about the cultures we visit, including their natural and artistic landscapes. For example, while in Asia last summer, Aden wanted to learn surfing but Asher didn’t. We let Aden, then six, go into the ocean with an instructor while we watched from the rocks above.

Worry and let go anyway.

We are now more intentional about seeking opportunities for the boys to step forward in their autonomy. And while we still struggle with letting go, we know it is the only way for them to grow. As Lenore Skenazy said in the 2020 documentary, Chasing Childhood, “What I really am trying to do is to let parents let go a little. Because once they do, the fear evaporates. All the worry in the world doesn’t prevent death. It prevents life.”

A core theme of our perspective on leadership (Adam wrote a book on this!) is that leadership can come from anywhere: An employee can inspire a boss, and a child can inspire a parent, because, at its core, leadership involves helping people reach their goals.

On that January day on that Nevada cliff, Asher, Aden, and our fellow hikers inspired us to become more adventurous ourselves.