Ges Smith is the headmaster of the Jo Richardson Community School in Dagenham, East London, and where others see fluffy white flakes of winter wonder, he sees the wide and icy path to hell.
"It only takes one student, one piece of grit, one stone in a snowball in an eye, with an injury and we change our view," he said, choosing a metaphor that was perhaps also not a metaphor.
His concern seems to be that snowflakes are the gateway drug to snowballs. "The rules are don't touch the snow. If you don't touch the snow you're not going to throw it."
You're also not going to taste it, make a snowman or fort, or have any fun at all except, maybe, shivering.
On the talk show Good Morning Britain, reports The Telegraph, host Susanna Reid pushed back, saying "It's only a bit of fun, let us throw a snowball."
"If it was that simple, I'd let them throw snowballs all day long," the headmaster cryptically replied.
Of course...it IS that simple. In fact, it's simpler than that: You can let the kids TOUCH the snow and NOT throw snowballs. Touching doesn't automatically lead to a crime (except, perhaps, on campus).
But lest you think he might have a point, in terms of lawsuits and crazy parents, please note that snowballs weren't the only problem dancing in the headmaster's head. He also doesn't want kids to get wet, as that would make them unprepared for school.
As opposed to unprepared for life, a charge fellow host Piers Morgan leveled at the anti-snow man.
The good news is that snow is not limited to the school grounds and kids will probably have an opportunity to touch the substance at some point in their childhood. If they happen to toss some in spherical form, here's another idea besides detention.