Groundbreaking Yale Study Discovers Cure for “Helicopter Parenting”

When adults step back, kids step up.

That’s the Let Grow motto. The only problem is: It’s hard to get adults to do that. Helicopter parenting has become pretty much normal American parenting. But now a Yale study in The Journal of Child Development has our back.

Turns out that when even helicopter parents are told that kids are actually “learning” by doing things on their own, they stop intervening as much. Yes, it is really just that simple. The tying of kids’ shoes, the zippering of their backpacks, the endless games that involve a chute or ladder or Pokémon anything – parents will find themselves liberated, and kids will find themselves newly self-sufficient (with some bumps along the way) as soon as parents hear this message that has the advantage of being totally true.

“When an adult steps in and completes a task for a young child, it can deprive the child of an opportunity to learn how to complete the task by themselves, which potentially harms their ability to develop self-efficacy, autonomy, and other important life skills,” said lead author Reut Shachnai, a Yale Psychology grad student. “Our findings suggest that framing everyday tasks as ‘learning opportunities’ can significantly reduce overparenting and boost children’s independence, persistence, and resilience.”

That’s what we’ve been saying all along — and Maria Montessori started saying about a century earlier: Doing things for our kids that they are ready (or almost ready) to do themselves – the very definition of helicopter parenting — deprives them of the opportunity to master a skill. And what makes any of us feel great? Mastering a skill! Making that souffle or free throw. Or a parking challenge! (Extra points if dubious spouse witnessed it.)

The Yale study was quite clever. First, the researchers interviewed 77 parents of kindergarten-age kids. From this, they learned that parents try to intervene LESS when they think their kids are learning something (say, doing a puzzle) than when the kids are just doing some mundane activity (say, not putting on their boots).

Then, at a children’s museum in Philly, the researchers recruited 30 kids to do something novel and slightly hard: Put on hockey gear.

The researchers told half the parents that putting on the gear represented a chance to learn a life skill. It’s educational! They told the other half that putting on the gear was a way to engage with the museum.

The parents who’d been told this was a learning opportunity intervened about HALF as many times – 4.4 – than the control group (8.6 times).

Yale Assistant Professor of Psychology Julia Leonard, the study’s lead author, said that considering how intensive parenting has become, “We can recommend to parents, teachers and mentors alike: The next time you find yourself tempted to complete a task for a child, take a moment to appreciate all that they can learn from trying to complete the task on their own.”

That means asking your kids to get their own breakfast isn’t being lazy or distracted or busy. You’re facilitating their education!

And that’s not just Let Grow saying that anymore. It’s the Yale psychology department!

Want a little help stepping back? Take our Let Grow Pledge of Independence! We’ll send you a new independence-building idea or challenge every week for 10 weeks until you AND your child can teach YALE a thing or two!