A Headmaster Asks Parents (and Self) to Do Less
“What if the ways in which we are parenting are making life harder on our kids and harder on us? What if by doing less, parents would foster better outcomes for children and parents alike?”
That’s the question posed by Georgetown Day School head of school Russell Shaw in this Atlantic piece. It is the question we ask pretty much every day at Let Grow.
Kids react when WE react.
Shaw gives an example from real life that will get most parents nodding their heads: When his son was little and fell if Shaw acted nonchalantly, the boy dusted himself off and continued playing. If Shaw reacted like he’d just seen a tractor-trailer plunge off a cliff, the boy would wail.
Similarly, when his son got older and told his dad that a classmate was being mean, Shaw managed to stop himself from jumping in. (Kudos!) Instead, he just asked his son what he was planning to do. Replied the sensible child (who also probably grew up hearing his head-of-school dad talk about all the parents yanking his chain), “I decided not to hang out with him for a while.”
Win/win! Kid solves problem – and dad does not.
Those two things go together.
It’s hard to watch kids struggle! (So don’t watch.)
Of course, Shaw does not endorse parents leaving their kids alone in a pit. (Though that did work out remarkably well for Moses.) But his sensible advice – give kids more space to make their own fun and solve their own problems – is excellent to hear from a school leader.
It’s his 30 years of experience in education that allows him to say with confidence: Yes, it’s hard to watch our kids struggle. But that is part of the parental remit.
Two simple solutions.
At Let Grow, we add two ideas:
1 – Since it IS so hard to watch our kids struggle…let’s not watch them quite as much. Step back, so kids step up.
2 – Any school can help parents do this by simply assigning the (free!) Let Grow Experience. It’s a homework assignment that tells kids to “Go home and do something new, on your own, WITH your parents’ permission, but WITHOUT your parents.” It gets kids activated and out in the world.
It also gets parents a little de-activated, so they can see for themselves just how capable their kids can be without them. It is generally joyous (and often revelatory) for BOTH generations.
Here’s a school in Vegas doing The Let Grow Project (also below). If it inspires you, ask your own school to consider it!
Comments are closed for this article.