Our Neurodivergent Son Is Independent Now, Thanks to…
By David H.
A letter like this warms my heart – and I hope gives a lot of parents hope!
A Note About Our Son
Dear Lenore: My wife and I cannot thank you enough.
When my son turned 11 we decided to crash the helicopter, so to speak. He was diagnosed with “developmental coordination disorder” and we felt as though we needed to make him stronger, more confident — and push him outside of his comfort zone. Some days it was difficult, some days it was easy. But when push comes to shove, he succeeds.
My son is now 22 years old. He is living on his own in New York City. He is a flight attendant for one of the big airlines and is doing exceptionally well.
How did it happen?
The trick to making even neurodivergent kids independent.
We just started to stop coddling him and start empowering him. Started out with simple things like letting him go to the park and hang out with his friends and explore the trail areas around the park. Some of the other parents in the neighborhood were getting your vibe too.
There was one particular incident which occurred where one of the girls fell off the swing and injured her arm. The children took the initiative and made sure she got home safely. The parents were completely floored by the kindness and initiative of the kids. Three days later the little girl showed up again with a cast on her arm and a smile on her face.
Therapy got us part way there.
My son did approximately 5 months of physical and occupational therapy after his diagnosis. He did well but hit a plateau. Instead of giving up and saying, “Well that’s how it’s going to be,” we put him on a strength and conditioning program that helped develop his core strength, upper body strength, balance and coordination.
With this newfound confidence came newfound skills. I’m going to tell you nothing made us more happy and proud as parents than allowing him the room to breathe and unlock his own potential.
Avoiding a life in the basement.
Now he is a fluent German speaker in his second year as a flight attendant. That beats him living in the basement or in a situation where we need to control him 24/7. He has been all over the world at this point, mostly to Europe.
My son has been living on his own for about 7 months now. He’s got a small apartment, close to the airport. He is also attending Southern New Hampshire University online, majoring in business administration and risk management. Don’t you love the irony that two former helicopter parents have a child studying risk management?
Letting go when your kid’s different.
He is also in peak physical condition and recently earned his blue belt in taekwondo. I can’t imagine how he might have turned out if we didn’t listen to you. You are a godsend.
The only challenge that he is having now is successfully interacting with those in his own age group. Because of helicopter parenting, a lot of these young adults have anxiety and depression. We want our kids to be safe, yet we want our kids to grow and develop. It’s a fine line for all of us and when you have a child with a neurodevelopmental disorder it’s 10 times worse.
“Mom and Dad – why did you suddenly change?”
When we went and started utilizing your methods, our son matured quickly. By age 14 he was a very confident young man. One day we had a conversation and he said, “I’ve been thinking a lot about Mom and Dad. You were used to coddling me and protecting me then all of a sudden you switched gears into something completely radical and different — something you weren’t used to. It must have given you a lot of anxiety and stress but I’m thankful you pushed through it and helped me to grow up.”
Without listening to you I can’t imagine what he would have ended up like. He’s reliable, with a caring heart and a steady girlfriend and a pretty good life. We are insanely proud of him.
Keep inspiring other parents to take the leap.
I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart Lenore. You’ve made an impact on our lives. Please don’t ever change and keep doing what you do.
LENORE HERE: I think David and his family are going to inspire a lot of people too!
When I asked him how he found me and my work at Let Grow, he replied:
I don’t know what happened. We just started to realize we needed to strengthen our son and empower him so we started doing random searches on Google. We came across the terms “helicopter parenting,” “coddling children,” and whatnot, and one thing led to another and we came across you.
It was all about taking initiative as parents and giving my son the space he needed to grow and develop into the fine young man that he is now.
Let Grow: If anyone else would like to embark on a journey like this, here is our Let Grow Independence Kit (free, of course). And on Oct 21 Let Grow is presenting a webinar on giving children with neurodivergence or disabilities independence. You can register here!
Comments are not active.