A Gen X Mom on How Hard It is To Raise Gen Z Kids

This letter from a Colorado mom name-checks so many trends in today’s parenting norms, after-school activities, tech time – AND a NEW DAY DAWNING – that we had to share! You will probably see some of your own family here:

Hello!

I’m a Gen X mom to three Gen Z sons, now ages 18, 21, and 24. Much of their childhood was spent in what felt like a constant battle for a real childhood.

In 2016, when they were 8, 11, and 14, we moved from a suburb of Houston, Texas, to the foothills of Colorado hoping to create a more outdoor, play-based life for our family. What we discovered, though, was that fear-based, screen-centered childhood was just as strong there too. 

The digital tsunami

We continued what we believed was the “good fight,” but it often felt like we were losing their childhood to a digital intruder, a lack of community connection, and a culture where nearly every activity for children was parent-directed, highly organized, and carefully scheduled.

We did the best we could. But educational technology became mandatory, parental controls were practically non-existent, and very few people were openly discussing the potential downsides of replacing traditional childhood with digital life. It truly felt like the Wild West of parenting in the digital age.

“That mom.”

I became “that mom” who let her son ride his bike two miles to school without a cell phone. Other parents were horrified, asking what would happen if he got hurt or was kidnapped. I explained that we had safety plans in place and invited their children to ride with him.

I researched routers and internet protections before most parents were even thinking about them and quickly became the source of advice for friends whose children had unsafe online experiences.

We created a “Bad News Bears” baseball team for our 9-year-old who loved baseball but wasn’t good enough for the ultra-competitive rec league.

Kids, let’s talk about porn.

I once checked out a book on pornography addiction and read the first chapter aloud while my boys sat on the couch absolutely melting as those words came out of their mother’s mouth. Whoever searched “boobies” earned it for the other two. 

We signed them up for sports, church activities, ski lessons, volunteer opportunities — anything that kept them engaged in the real world. But eventually I realized that even these experiences were still mostly adult-directed and carefully managed. That wasn’t fully “real childhood” either.

I would send them to the park on hot days, cold days, and everything in between hoping they’d find kids to play with. Most of the time, no one was there. So back into the battle we went.

And how’d that turn out?

But this story isn’t just a rant about the difficulties of parenting in the Digital Wild West.

Today, my sons are independent, kind, and capable young men. They are articulate and make eye contact when speaking with people. They prefer phone calls to texts. They date, drive, attend college, and have great jobs. Every employer they’ve had has commented on how well they interact with customers and coworkers. We still have ongoing conversations about digital health as it affects young men — video games, gambling, dating apps, and pornography.

What my sons say now.

Interestingly, my sons themselves now notice what they call “the iPad kids” in restaurants and grocery stores, and they often say that when they become parents, they want their own children raised outside, learning independence and real-world confidence.

During the pandemic, our neighborhood changed from many empty nesters to an abundance of young families with children. Now we have the privilege of seeing a new generation learning to ride bikes, run lemonade stands, and laugh together in the street. 

But they are still a highly “protected” generation. Parents are still driving children to every scheduled activity, outside play is quickly sidelined when one kid with a device appears, and conversations about safety often focus on statistically improbable dangers rather than the very real risks invited indoors through screens.

The conversation is changing. 

What has changed, though, is that parents are finally starting the conversation — and nobody thinks it’s crazy anymore. They are navigating the challenge of raising kids who are both safe and independent while also pulling them away from the dangers of screens, and organizations like Let Grow are helping make those conversations possible.

I try to do my part by gently coaching young parents on small but meaningful opportunities for independence. I suggest skipping the grocery delivery order and letting their elementary-age child help build a menu, write a grocery list, and even run into the store to buy a few items. I encourage bike rides to a friend’s house, where kids can call from a parent’s phone when they arrive safely. I talk about limiting overscheduled activities in exchange for coordinated, but unsupervised, outdoor play.

And when a parent tells me their 5-year-old loves chess, Legos, and puzzles, I emphatically encourage them to avoid video game systems for as long as humanly possible.

Thanks.

They always say thank you and ask for more ideas. Sometimes I wish my own kids had a fellow “Digital Wild West” mom living down the street when they were growing up.

So thank you, Let Grow.

Thank you for doing on a larger scale what I’ve been trying to accomplish from my suburban Houston street to my little Colorado mountain microcosm. Your organization is helping parents feel less alone as we try to raise kind, independent, socially connected children who are prepared to go out into the world and make it better.

Warmly,

Ashley

Let Grow here: And thank you, Ashley! For fighting the good fight,  raising good sons, giving good advice and dropping this note! Readers, if you’d like Let Grow’s list of “Summer Experience” ideas, it’s here, free. Our “Four Weeks to a Let Grow Kid” guide is also free, here. We are thrilled to be changing the conversation (and family options)!